Hey, watch out, look in the rear view mirrors, be cautious and drive carefully, I’m driving on the roads today.

Each time I takeout my car for a spin, I offer a silent prayer not only for me, but, also for the safety of my fellow drivers.  If this does not give away the fact that I’m terrified of driving, then God knows, what will.

Right from the time I can remember, my sister had this insatiable desire to learn to drive and I was the exact opposite. When she was just all of 16, she started taking driving lessons from dad. And dad would proudly teach her the gears; explain the functions of those intimidating switches, adjusting of the several mirrors, demonstrate how to drive, reverse etc. While she learnt, our poor fiat had to face the brunt, it was hurt from every possible nook and corner and it stood strong in the test of time. It was indeed a formidable machine; they don’t make cars like these anymore.     

All those practical lessons made her a fabulous driver; she liked being in control of the machine and drove as fast as the wind, which would freak me out; I remember sheepishly reciting my prayers aloud, which egged her to further accelerate. Once she got her license, it was no looking back for her. Given a choice, she would have chosen to be a race car driver. Hats off! to her and all the ladies out on the roads, who drive impeccably.  

She got all the attention from dad, which made me jealous at times and then I decided to put aside my fear and learn to drive. Kyunki, dar key age jeet hai:-)!

I mustered the courage and asked dad for help, guess what, I did not survive even one session. I recall that day clearly; the 5 gears were so confusing, I could not fathom how I am expected to look at the road, monitor the speed of the car and simultaneously change the gears without even looking at them. How is that possible? I’m human; I do not have super powers. And my God, all those mirrors, all this while, I thought some of them (not all) were there only for me to take quick glance on how I looked before I descended from the car, then dad corrected me and I remember feeling extremely foolish at that moment. By the time we reached the indicators and wipers, I had surrendered completely, given up the hope of remotely ever learning to drive.  I quit even before starting the ignition and ran home as fast as my feet could support.    

I made my peace and enjoyed the luxury of being driven around, I never faced any challenges; I had dad and my sister, who would willingly oblige. However, these days were numbered.

For work, I had to move out of Mumbai and relocate to Jalandhar. Initially, I tried to find accommodation near the office, so that I could walk to work, but I wasn’t that lucky. I traveled to work by cycle rickshaw, it was fun initially, but, the day I fell off the rickshaw, while disembarking and caught my co-worker laughing, I said to myself, that is enough, I need to come up with an alternative way to commute.

I decided to buy a scooty, as it seemed far less challenging and intimidating than a car. My parents refused, they somehow convinced me to buy car and make another attempt to learn driving. So, I enrolled for classes and booked my first car, a white Maruti Alto. I took the basic model, thinking that the lesser the features the easier to drive. The dealer asked me if I wanted power steering, thinking it would be a fancy accessory, I refused, only to regret later on.      

I could not survive my driving lessons for more than three days. Though, this time around, I did start the ignition, change the gears and drive, but, my instructor took me to over crowded tight lanes of Jalandhar and all the chaos made me simply close my eyes each time a car approached from the other direction. So, I decided to spare my instructor’s life and the lives of other fellow drivers, I simply quit. I hired a driver, who drove me to office in the morning and would come back later in the evening to pick me. Once again, things were under control, and I was happy being driven around. However, these days were numbered too.

After marriage, I moved to Delhi and traveled extensively for work to different parts of NCR. My ever so loving husband drove me around, whenever possible, but, he too had his limitations, work commitments. At that time, we did not have the luxury of Uber or Ola and the metro did not have good connectivity. It was kind of a struggle, but somehow we were managing it together.

But one day, I thought that I had enough of this struggle, I need to drive, and my alto was gathering dust in the parking lot. Till this day, I don’t know whom to give the credit for pushing me to take this decision, was it my husband, the car or the remark that my Mom had made, “you are an educated independent girl, how come you do not know how to drive.”

Once I took the decision, there was no looking back, I got my learner’s and driver’s license all by myself and enrolled for classes too. Had no other option, my husband wanted me to manage them independently. I remember being a 30 year old sitting amongst 18 year olds, giving the test.

As they say third time lucky, I sincerely went for each driving lesson, and made slow continuous progress, I learnt the gears and no longer closed my eyes while driving, but I was still terrified. If these sessions were not draining enough, my husband would make me drive around south Delhi roads in peak traffic. He was helping me overcome my fear, but at that time it seemed too emotionally overwhelming. It took me close to five months to manage to drive all by myself to work and back. It felt nice and empowering. This was ten years ago.

Cut to today, I drive confidently only to known places, routes that I am familiar with. If you ask me to drive to a place that I have never driven too, I’m petrified. To make matters worse, Google Maps senses my fear and plays these mind games with me. Each time, I depended on it, it disappointed. Made me move around in circles, take wrong turns, had me lost. I would make distress calls to my husband, who would patiently guide me to my destination. Now, if I have to drive to unknown terrain, I ask my husband for directions in advance and if it’s too complicated, I use my charm till such time, he gives in and volunteers to drive me for his own sanity.

My other trouble with driving is parking and also looking for a parking space. Oh God! Basement parking, it gives me the chills. The dingy lighting, steep ramps, sharp curves, reminds me of the scenes from Urmila’s horror movie ‘Bhoot’. If you haven’t watched it, please do and you will understand what I’m saying.

I guess, someone would have sensed my fear and witnessed my ability to park and came up with the brilliant idea of dedicated parking spaces for women. On several occasions; I have had to muster the courage to approach complete strangers to help me park my car. It’s better to swallow your pride and ask for help rather than get an ugly scratch on your car.    

It’s not as if I have not made attempts to learn how to park, it is still work in progress for the last 10 years. Till such time I master it, I am strongly considering to buy a self-driven car, which would save me from all these hassles. I’m just waiting to hear back from Elon Musk to make his car more economical and budget-friendly and in return I’m willing to be Tesla’s brand ambassador at no additional cost:-).