I am sure you would have heard this famous saying, ‘the older you are, the wiser you are; however, in my case it has not happened yet.

In my mid 20s, I had a far more conservative approach to life; at times, it reflected in my thinking, speaking and dressing style. Strangely, my wardrobe consisted of shades of beige, grey, white, black and light pastel outfits. I lived life with this ‘good girl image’; scared to defy any societal norms. This coincides with the time my dad was also looking for a suitable boy for me to settle down. I was very clear in my mind; I wanted an arranged marriage, it was not by force or that I did not have the opportunity, it was clearly by choice. I wanted someone, who was selected by my parents; they always wanted the best for me.

In this search, I personally met over 30 prospects, cannot remember the actual count though, ooh, I wish I had kept a journal. But it never seemed to work out; there were times, I did not like them and at times they did not approve of me. If someone would ask me what I was looking for in terms of qualities or qualification, I would say I don’t have a checklist; but want someone with whom I can connect intellectually and enjoy a conversation over a cuppa tea. It sounded too filmy or naive, but that was a reality. There were encounters, which were awkward, hilarious and at times emotionally draining too. Even in those moments, surprisingly I never felt alone, the moment I would go emotionally down, my inner voice would uplift me with an inner message, “have faith and with time you will get what you are looking for”. And so I did, I met my husband; through a matrimonial advertisement in the newspaper.

Our first encounter was the most hilarious. By now I was so tired of these arranged meetings that I was getting a tad bit rebellious.

On that day, I came home late from work, wore the most obnoxious pair of jeans and shirt in wardrobe with absolute chalky make-up, messy ponytail and broken sandals. If that was not all, I dropped a piece of Indian confectionery on my Dad-in-law’s foot. Things were going south, but then we all sat and chatted, I was amazed by the similarity between our two families. Throughout the time, I was looking at my would be in-laws, and was touched by their simplicity and genuineness. Maa was dressed in a simple salwaar kameez, sweater with her trademark red lipstick (slightly faded) and sport shoes, the perfect blend of elegance with comfort. Dad wore a Cotswold shirt with a contrasting muffler. I did not miss what my husband was wearing, but choose to keep that piece of information just with me:-).

It was so refreshing, they did not ask me my qualifications, try to know how much I earned or wanted my birth details. Later on, I did speak with my husband too; and lost track of time chatting over our common office concerns, passion for fitness etc. Before they left, Maa asked me just one question, would you be comfortable moving to Delhi, considering I was doing reasonably well in my career in Jalandhar, said God Bless You, gave me a hug and left.

The very next day, my dad in law called and asked my parents on how they wanted to take things forward. There were no background checks, matching of horoscopes, meeting other family members, nothing. The only thing my Maa did was she took a hukumnama (a message) from The Guru Granth Sahib; it was a very positive one and we went ahead and finalized our nuptials. Subsequently, the dates of our roka and wedding were fixed, basis that one meeting.

My husband too did go through his own share of arranged meetings before he met me, but his were not as arduous as mine.

Generally, when we have any unfavorable experiences, it’s easiest to blame someone; but, I now realise that I was destined to go through the entire journey, which only made me stronger and positive. All those people I met during my quest to find my soul mate, have made me more appreciative and value the family I have been married into. I have been blessed with two sets of parents, siblings, and nieces , who love and care for me. Cheer me up when I am down, rejoice with me when I’m happy and look after me when I’m unwell.

If I was given the option of going back in time and change anything, I would not change a thing, have all those experiences again, meet all of them, have all those conversations and this time remember to make a note of their names and exact count:-), but would definitely tell my 25 year old self to be more relaxed & chill a bit.   

Now that I’m in my (early:-)) 40s, with each passing day, I feel more childlike, carefree and love my irrational choices and liking. Things that I was uncomfortable to speak aloud, I am writing them fearlessly and sharing it with known and unknown readers. Wow that is progress🙂. As I write, I’m reminded of the iconic scene from the movie Jab we met, lighting of the picture, symbolizing the release of pumped up energies and setting the past free.

Now, I’m enjoying being my age, making peace with my body type and grey hair strands. The fear of being judged, appreciated or ridiculed is slowly diminishing. It is not as if I no longer care, it’s just that I want to free myself from the clutches of any boundaries or restrictions.

I speak my mind, stand for my beliefs and dress up the way I and Puchki like; in fact she loves to choose my attire for any social events. We coordinate the colors, plan our footwear and accessories. Believe me the choices we make are not the wisest ones, but who cares, We Girls Just Wanna Have Fun:-).