Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most contented of all. I expected the obvious answer “ME”. But the answer was “IT’s NOT YOU”.

I grumbled, said one or two not so flattering words, then I consoled myself, what does the mirror know, I know, I’m contended, down to earth, not flashy or opinionated.

To distract myself, I played one of the recordings of my God Mother’s spiritual discourses. The talk was so enthralling that I was hooked on and it transcended me to a place where I could clearly see why the mirror did not answer in my favor. Before I tell you about my realisation, I’ll have to take you back in time, to my college days.

In college, I was carefree and confident. Whether I was genuinely confident or faked it, I do not clearly remember, but I remember being part of a big girl gang and being quite popular amongst them. In that gang, I had an extremely close friend, we spent all our time together chatting, studying and sitting in the canteen area, or the famous khandhar, (an old building in complete shambles), which was the hotspot for all Bollywood movie shootings. It was great fun. We were together all the time and she grew to be extremely fond and possessive of me, which in a way was a great confidence booster.  

We graduated, I got busy with my professional aspirations and she got married and initially moved out of the country and then returned to India. We intermittently kept in touch, I would boast about my professional achievements, whereas she did not elaborate on what she was doing, maybe it was my fault, I never showed interest.

Well cut the long story short, we connected after 20+ years and she had transformed herself completely. She is now a Tarot card reader, numerologist, Life coach, Vastu coach and helps a lot of people in need.

And here I am, still figuring out what I need to do with my life. When I heard this, I was really happy for her, at least someone has gotten to know their life’s calling.

Later, she added me to a WhatsApp group, where on a daily basis she posted inspiring quotes, videos, and audio clips.  Everyone appreciated her insights but not me, I did not listen to all the videos or audio clips, don’t know why. Would it be because for me she was still the friend who was in complete awe of me? Or maybe I am not able to come to terms with her progress?

If this is not jealousy or envy, then what is? If I cannot take joy in her good fortune then I am no friend at all.

The discourse made me come face to face with this flaw in me; I still have innumerable ounces of envy hidden deep inside of me. Now that I knew what the problem was, I had to work on the solution.

To begin with, I started diligently following her posts and some of her prescribed remedies. Soon, I developed profound respect for her deep knowledge and her selfless efforts to spread happiness in innumerable people’s lives. Once I was able to come to terms with my flaw, that very same day, I received a message from her appreciating my blogs and she shared valuable inputs on how I could get savvy on social media.   

This entire exercise made me realise how Envy did more harm than good; this emotion created such an internal conflict, it did not let me connect with her and see her true potential. Going forward, I will try to follow Mary Schmich’s apt advice, “Don’t waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.”; this is the nature of life.

This one is for you – Vanishka