The Need To Be The Best, Is It Worth It?

On By Livi Kashyap

What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

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Growing up, being the second child, I had to do things differently to get that extra bit of attention and love from my older sibling. I deliberately chose to follow and do things that were unconventional and not normal for a girl to do during those times.  In my attempt to breaking the glass ceiling and being the best just to be noticed and liked was exhausting. So much so, unknowingly I do it even today.

Unfortunately, this constant urge to appease and be the best at everything is something my little munchkin has picked up too. She does have my DNA :-). 

It so happened yesterday, there was a kids competition in our society and kids participated in various categories and my daughter participated too. She nominated herself in the dance category and chose to perform on a medley of Michael Jackson songs, as her tribute to her favourite legend. She poured her heart and soul into the performance and was brimming with excitement. The competition was very stiff and she did not win. Honestly, it was an absolutely fair decision, other kids performed much better than her, she did not stand a chance.

My  kiddo was heartbroken to say the least and ran to me and hugged me tight and cried inconsolably. And as all mothers do, I too tried to comfort her all evening and night. I could sense the ten year old’s desire and agony to be the best, to make her parents and family proud of her, be more popular and beat her peers.

I was restless through the night, not because she did not win but wondering does my child have to be the best in everything – studies, sports, arts and dance. Can she not be good? Would it be fair of me to ask her to be part of an endless race throughout her life where there are no guarantees of wins? Can I not accept her the way she is? Yes I definitely can but then this mind pushes these unnecessary thoughts, this is not the right parenting, you will make her lazy, she will not learn how to work hard.    

At the moment, I choose to push them aside and make myself a cuppa and teach my child to be happy and be the best at being happy no matter what the circumstances. Wow this is deep even for me.  

4 thoughts on “The Need To Be The Best, Is It Worth It?”

  1. Wow, such a deep and personal sharing. This takes courage.
    I have to say, you mentioned that you spent the entire night comforting your daughter after she lost the competition. But I don’t think you should have needed to comfort her all night. If you had been able to show her that simply participating was enough, that both winning and losing are part of competitions and life, that she can always try again, and that all of this is perfectly normal, perhaps she wouldn’t have felt defeated or as though she had failed to make her family proud.
    I think this is exactly where you’re passing your own experiences on to your child.
    Losing is normal. Losing is not failure.
    Your child may be good at something, or she may even be bad at everything. Once you’ve done your part, the rest is beyond your control. She is not an extension of you.
    And by doing your part, I mean providing her with education, support, and the right motivation.
    Perhaps you don’t know how to teach her something you’ve never truly experienced yourself.
    But the fact that you’re questioning all of this and worrying about how it might affect her shows that you’re a good parent.

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    1. Thank you so much Isabel for this amazing message. Like she is a 10 year old girl i am a 10 year old mother… Learning on the job.

      I agree completely with you, i can only teach and make her more aware, rest she deserves the liberty to make her choices and learn from the experiences.

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      2. You did not over step dear, in the hustle and bustle of life we tend to overlook our instincts, or take time to pause and reflect… Your message did it for me… I really appreciate you taking the effort to share your experience 😉 God bless you

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